Oh so this is why....

WARNING... the following post could be considered a vent and a huge waste of your time.

I can confidently say that Raymond and I have recently entered our most difficult season of parenting to date. Potty training and the terrible 2s is a piece of cake compared to what we are dealing with right now with Brooke. Parenting her is consuming our time, our emotional as well as financial resources, and our thoughts and prayers, at a rapid pace. I can not even say that we have good days and bad days...right now we can only go by minutes, sometimes hours...but mostly minutes. We knew parenting would be challenging and difficult at times, this is one of those times.

What is wrong with her? you ask. That is what we want to know. We have no reason to believe there is anything physically wrong. Her symptoms seem to most people to be normal preteen girl drama only dial it up about 75% (and the only reason I did not say 100% is because I can not allow myself to fall in to the trap of believing that it can not get any worse...). Her (outbursts, tantrums, meltdowns, tornadoes, breakdowns, explosions...take your pick) can last hours . They can start as a snowball, building from something very small, or in an instant. And then when all the screaming ends she turns back into my kind, grateful, considerate, obedient, snugly girl. Everything is overwhelming to her...too much, too tight, too hard. And there is never enough...of anything, not enough time to make decisions, eat, brush her teeth, get dressed...not enough of me to give her all she believes she needs me for, not enough belief in herself that she can do her schoolwork, chores, whatever it is.

So what are we doing? Drs apts..tyring some meds, psychologist, changing some parenting techniques and homeschooling her.

Why am I telling anyone/everyone about this? Because I can't not tell everyone. Not in my nature to bottle things up and keep secrets. Maybe someone has been through something similar and can offer some resources or support. Maybe someone is going through this right now and we can cry on each other's shoulders. Hopefully letting you all in on this will get us some extra prayers. And so when you see us or anyone who might be in a simular situation as us, out in public with a kicking, screaming, criing child (that looks like they are of the age that they should no longer be having such temper tanturms) you can pray for that family or just ignor us...or both, instead of saying or thinking how horrible those parents must be....or say something like "if she were mine I would wear her butt out", yes a woman actually said that to me in a store once. That is not helpfull...did she really think spanking had never occured to us, or that we had never tried that before..trust me we have tried it all. The last reason I tell you all this is that it helps me just to write/type it all down, it helps me process big issues like this, even if no one actually reads it.

As sad as I still am that we were not able to become foster parents for those 2 girls this summer, I am more thankful that God could see the big picture when I could not. It is most surely in our and their best interest that they are not living in this house of turmoil. I already feel bad enough for Will and Hope. Pray for them too...that Raymond and I can be enough for ALL of our children.